August 8, 2018

That was the job you had to wake up this morning to go do. That was the job you had to rush around to get your baby ready for daycare for. That was the job you still ended up being two minutes late to because no matter what time you leave in the morning something always seems to happen that makes you late. You hate being late. But it’s August 8, 2018 and today’s the day you’re going to start your blog.

So you’re working and you’re doing your 9-to-5 thing but it’s routine and menial so your mind is wandering, like it usually does. You start thinking of all the things that you could be doing or should be doing or might be doing, if you had the time. For the last year you’ve been trying to find out where that time is and how to make it real. You also lost your job and had a baby and struggled with a drinking problem and have had to go to therapy since; but hush, it’s not even 10:30 yet. That nagging weight is always there.

Then your husband reminds you about an event coming up for a club he’s in. It turns out he wanted you to help create a fundraising flyer. That he wants distributed at local businesses. Tomorrow. But it’s 8/8/18 and you’re starting a blog, damn it! So on your lunch break you draft some ideas and talk to your boss about supporting it. You finish working the rest of the day dreaming up topics for your very first blog, wondering what people would like to hear about.

You leave work at 4:35 and race to get the baby. You’re so tired you sit on the couch and talk for a while. You realize you forgot you were making dinner tonight! You jump up to leave.

Your husband texts you. He’s at his friends house right around the corner that’s hosting the club event. You say you’ll be right over. Your husband announces to you and your friends your local fairgrounds is on board with your donation idea. You now have to be part of traveling to the next town over every day for a week to collect your funds. And worry about theft since nobody will be there to watch them. But hey, you’ve got a blog to launch so you sit there and draft the best, Sarah MacLaughlin puppy tears inspiring, Facebook post to ignite fire in your donor’s souls. Your husband thinks you’re amazing, you still have to make dinner.

You leave your friends house and go home. You change the baby and lay her down for a nap. Let the dogs out. Start dinner. Start thinking about your blog topic. Start mentally reviewing the piece you started 4 days ago. You were worried August 8, 2018 would come and you wouldn’t have time to write it. It was kind of like this one, but much more calm and collected. You start dictating thoughts to your phone to get them out. Your husband comes home so you switch to typing, too embarrassed for him to see what you’re doing. Still afraid to take 100% of the power. Thumbs of fury.

Why am I blogging? Where is my blog going? Who am I talking to? What am I doing?

Self sufficiency, global, human beings, things.

Ok psycho, in the real world…

I’m blogging because in the last year I’ve decided I’m going nowhere if I’m not working for myself. Constantly hustling myself and my skills. I can’t cornhole myself into a dead end career; I know so many more things.

My blog is going out across America today, August 8, 2018, because I set a goal I knew I could achieve and I’m going to achieve it no matter what. Even if my husband half-naked dances in the kitchen and tries to distract me.

I am talking to all the moms that have all the thoughts I’ve had today. The no time, no energy, too tired, it’ll wait, Mom’s waiting to seize their lives. I want to help those moms because I am those moms. And I am fucking awesome.

I’m doing things. All the things.